entranceway | 001 ✘ Video

[Hello, Wonderland.

This is an unfeasibly large gun.

In fact, that's pretty much the entire broadcast right now- the four barrels of an unfeasibly large laser cannon. Off-screen, presumably wielding said unfeasibly large cannon, a Brooklyn-accented voice speaks up.]

I've been here two hours and I ain't heard any demands, so I hope I'm not stealin' your thunder if I skip the theatrics and move right on to the negotiation process. [There's a pause and then a dry laugh.] Oh, who am I kiddin'. I don't give a shit about your thunder. You took somethin' what belongs to me. Four somethings actually. They go by the names Peter Quill, Gamora, Drax, and Groot. They are completely helpless without me, so I get why you'd think they were the ones to kidnap. This will still go down in history as the dumbest move of your lives, so way to think strategically, you d'ast imbeciles.

Here's my terms. If I don't see all four of 'em alive 'n breathin' in the next six seconds, I'm gonna put a round in this communicator just for the hell of it. And then I'm gonna put about eight more rounds in your face. And after that I'll get real creative.

[The gun is lowered. And there is one pissed off raccoon now staring into the screen.] Do I make myself perfectly freakin' clear?

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[Accurate... Or so says his expression of mild annoyance, like being pegged like that irks him. Though really everything irks him. He is easily irked.]

I think I can give 'em a few good reasons to care. This ain't the first time I've been stuck in a place I didn't wanna be.

[23 prisons and counting. He can handle this.]

[Whereas her expression and monotone voice never changes. Just blank.]

If you can get out, bravo. If not, I would not be surprised.

Aren't you an optimistic little ball of sunshine.

[hello sarcasm, my old friend.]

So I've been told.

But, then, I speak having been stuck here for months... And then some more, speaking on behalf of those stuck here for years...

That tends to happen in prisons. If they were easy to get out of, everybody would be doin' it.

[It's not the being stuck here that bothers him. It's the fact that he DIDN'T DO ANYTHING THIS TIME. :|]

Prison...

No, I think cage is a better world. Prison implies we're all sinners.

[There's a perceptible tension when she says "cage" that extends even to his voice.] Speak for yourself, lady.

[Having your criminal record expunged doesn't make you less of a sinner.]

Oh, I couldn't... I would understand if I was being punished. But there are far too many innocent people here to declare this a prison.

You know, you're not too different from most who show up here. On their first day, they rant, they rave, they threaten bodily harm to whoever took them. But it all ends the same.

They break?

[The tension hasn't left him. The idea that he might break is such a horrifying concept that it sucks his bravado and leaves him something a little more than just bitter and angry. It's almost fearful.]

...

[She was going to say "Depends on how you define it", but she can tell from that furry face that those words wouldn't help. Best to lighten the mood with her absurd sense of humor.]

... I was going to say they all got a good nagging.

[Yeah, that... helps a little. In the sense that it's so absurd that he stops looking like she told him she saw his mother on a hat rack. He shakes his head and moves on with his life.]

Who exactly runs things here? [WHO IS THE WARDEN OF THIS PRISON?? WHERE DO I FILE MY COMPLAINTS TO?? More importantly, who did he piss off to deserve this?

Aside from no one. It just happened. He refuses to accept that.]

Hmmm... A queen... maybe?

[To be honest, she's not that sure. It's hard to keep track of red queens and queens of hearts and just WHY they're there in the first place.]

Well, the original people who rule us, more or less, are behind the mirrors, in another dimension, I'd say.

[....]

So lemme get this straight.

[He runs a hand over his head, mussing the fur behind his ears.] We're stuck in a prison. We got no idea how we got here or why. And the people responsible for this are hangin' out on the other side of a buncha mirrors, presumably watchin' our every move?

[HE MISSES THE KYLN.

THE KYLN WAS SO MUCH BETTER.

DEVIN-9 IS PROBABLY BETTER THAN THIS.]

[She doesn't even nod. Just a calm-]

Yes.

[Slow. Blink.]

The worst part is that ain't even the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

My my. What an interesting life you must lead.

[Not being sarcastic.]

Yeah, and I could stand for it to get a lot less interesting pretty freakin' soon.

[But clearly that's not gonna happen. Surly raccoon sulk.]

I'm afraid that's a wish that won't be granted. Regardless of whatever life you have, this is a strange place to be in, and casts strange things upon us.

[....]

What kinda strange things?

[She counts on her fingers.]

Stampedes of domestic animals, turning into a child, turning into an angel, having your memories replaced with false ones...

[ellipsis intensifies.]

What?!

I've only been here a few months, and those are my experiences. If you want more examples, you should ask the long-term residents.

I don't think I want more examples.

[how is this place even real.] I think I'd prefer cruel and unusual torture.

[No, he wouldn't, but still. What the hell.]

No you wouldn't. But welcome, all the same.

Yeah. Thanks.

[grumblemutter #gratitude]